Ramadan 2011

Time for fasting, time for reflection, time for healing…

I was looking forward to it this year; last week was a time for making decisions and I felt stuck. Today the decision which needs to be made is clear. Though it’s going to hurt the one I love so much, it is for the best. 
How can that be… if it hurts it must not be the right decision, right? Wrong. Sometimes the best lessons in life are the most hurtful. And I’m hurting badly! But I also understand now the lessons meant for me. It’s time to turn a new leaf…

Fasting yesterday was easier than anticipated… the hunger pains did not bother me as my hands and mind stayed busy with tasks. It was such a lovely day, until last night. I had begged for peace during this month, and of course in typical nature that was not allowed.  The two years previous it’s been same. A realization came to me last night: I do not have the power to control others but, I can cut all contact so that they cannot affect me in a negative way.

We become what we are around. I’ve always known that, it was stressed much to me during upbringing: “be careful with whom you associate”, “birds of a feather flock together”, but never understood how true it is. I’ve always been careful to avoid people who do wrong things. Crazy people can make you crazy!

So what happens when the people with whom you shouldn’t associate become part of your every day life? What if it’s your boss, in-laws, neighbor? Then you have a very hard decision to make, just as I have had to make that decision. Cut ties. No matter how bad it hurts.

I can’t tell you how long it will hurt, feels like it will be a lifetime 😦 but it’s already felt like a lifetime, attempting to ‘fix’ the situation. You can’t change others, only yourself and your reactions to them. Hard lesson when you just want people to be good and decent, loving and kind. The majority are. But when you come across those few who aren’t, don’t drown yourself trying to save them.

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